question...

i always get this feeling that no matter what i do, it will never quite be good enough
someone or something will always trump me.
its a pretty crap feeling...

life atm

YTV was on the weekend, it was very very very veryyyy fun!!! thanks to everyone involved for making it such an awesome show!
im so tired now though :( and there is so much work i have to do and so little time to do it in
im not motivated and the internet does not help AT ALL!!!

i am feeling...

confused
about family, about my life, about....well about everything really.

holidays, week 1

image by burke/smith

well, the past week has been very very very relaxing.
mum and went and stayed at the mooloolaba caravan park
its probably one of my favourite places in the world (not that iv been very far in the world)
i lay in the sun all day, read pride and prejudice, tanned, braved the cold and actually went for a few swims, jogged to alex heads (once haha), caught up with old friends, saw mum happy again...the list goes on

there are alot of things running through my head at the moment
i generally dont like to write too much here, but i feel like i need to...just to get it out a little
i dont know?
i want to finish school
i want to travel
i want to be truly happy

the last week had made me realise that i haven't really felt truly happy for an extended amount of time since...well, for a long time
lots of things have been going on at home, and with me, and with other people
its just makes it hard to stay positive when the world seems to be closing in on you...crushing, suffocation, overwhelming you...

mum went to a clairvoyant today, she told mum that i would travel alot, that i wouldnt go to uni straight after school, that i should do a bar tender or barista course so that i can work anywhere, that ill meet someone amazing around the age of 27 and thats when ill come home, and that when i settle down ill have lots of pets, and that i should never work as a nurse or in any psychiatric field...because then i would probably end up in the mad house haha i though that was funny

we're getting a kitten soon...like REALLY soon...like possibly tuesday :) i cant wait, iv wanted another cat for so long.
sabrina was my last cat, i got her when i was seven and she died from cancer this year
it was hard for me because before she died she had been throwing up alot, but i though nothing of it, didnt say anything to anyone about it...and it was a sign of the cancer :(
anyway, im really looking forward to having a little friend to talk to and keep me company while im studying my bottom off for the next half year...yay.

i was watching 'random acts of kindness' on the TV tonight (which, by the way, i think is a really nice change for reality tv shows!) and there was this one girl who they surprised called skye bortoli, she is 16 and is the youngest anti-whaling activist. she has started her own campaign and is slowly making an impact. i think that important messages are delivered alot stronger when a younger person delivers it...i want to have an impact on the world...make a difference...and seeing true stories like skyes, where she has so much passion and drive, just makes me feel lazy and insignificant and worthless, because i havent done anything, really...i havent actually achieved anything in my life. i know im only 17 but i dont want to run out of time.

the only problem is...i dont have a passion. i dont have that one thing that i absolutely love to do, or am really obsessed with or passionate about. i need to find it but i have no time with school.



well theres a little insight into my mind of late.
hope i didnt bore you too much :)

x

life...

just when i think its getting better...
it gets worse.



but then again, its not all about me, is it?

21/06/09

hmm, today was a nice laid back day. did a bit of TOK, watched spider-man 3 (how hot is james franco!) and ate icecream for lunch :D
i have just this minute decided to write up a little list of the things that have made me smile lately :)

1. boom boom boom - the outhere brothers
- ahhhh i love this song! its one of the songs where you just cant help singing along..."WAYYOOO"

2. hamish and andy podcasts - really been getting back into them!
3. finding pictures of what my dream house would look like...here are afew to give you abit of an idea...
4. just rap songs in general. weird, but true. they're good to walk to
5. walking down to the bay and lying on the playground at sunset.
6. going to the op-shops with mum and finding these shoes...
and this wallet...7. brothers and sisters <3 style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">
8. james franco *drool*. if you've seen tristan and isolde or spider man 1, 2, 3 then you'll know who im talking about :)
9. the holidays are fast appraoching :D

thats all i can think of at the moment. hope you (whoever you are) are having a nice weekend and looking forward to the holidays as much as i am :)
x

reminising...

ahhhh i found these videos whilst searching in youtube!
they bring back memories of a fun, less-stressed time
i cant wait till the end or the year...well i can, but only because i have to...
if i would fast-forward time, then i probably would.

the melodics - take me away (UFO)

i was in that crowd near the back somewhere!

the kin ft. melodics - breathe again

i was up the front somewhere here!!

the new years just gone was so fun. i loved the camp i was in!! such good time, funny jokes, great people!! i love you guys!
thanks for making me smile and reminding me what life is!
xx

todayyyy...

one hand: today was shit
other hand: today was great
add these hands together and today = an alright day
the first little bit was good, the middle was crap, and the end was great.


:D happy atm.

magic?

i wish things were how they used to be
i wish my family was normal
i wish i was truly happy.



photo taken by sensing-owls

i realised right then you were perfect.

his voice makes me cry.

shadow.

lately, i feel like i am in the shadows of real life, watching everything else go by but not really going anywhere myself. im just the imprint of something real. im make-believe.

enjoy your life, and your tomorrow.
x


*image by me.

i should try and remember these.
im trying really hard at the moment to put others before myself, but its getting a little difficult in some situations.
im trying really hard to give something up, i have held onto it for too long.

x

miserere

have you ever
been so happy that you're sad?
that the lights turn to stars
and the stars become eyes
and hellos are goodbyes
and the laughs are the sighs
and the show disappears with a note
until next time

do you ever look around
and find what is yet to be found?

lyrics: the cat empire
image: fffound.com

lurve lyfe

i am a lover of good music. i love going to see live music
but you see, i have this little incling that that the universe is slowly trying to turn me into a hermit,
depriving me of all musical goodness.
below is the proof to prove this fact...

noosa vibe festival = mums birthday party
the big o = step grand mothers 80th birthday party in cairns
west end festival = dads deck warming party
splendour in the grass = school formal
byron bay blues fest = camping with fam for easter

that is all so far i think. but who knows how many more gigs i am destined to miss?
fair well world.
going to crawl back into my music/fun/lifeless shell now :D

day one, term two, year twelve, two thousand and nine

i think i enjoyed today?
pretty sure i did? i can't tell.
i guess it wasnt super great, but it nothing bad happened either.
so...mediocre i guess? soo indecisive at the moment haha
not particularly looking forward to the next term, but maybe it will surprise me and be super fun and school will be a breeze
a girl can dream...

i had a sort of epiphany last night. i was looking at a good friends images on myspace and i just thought...
'you are going to be a star one day' (hence the new blog title!)
and i have no doubt that she will be. i hope we stay friends.

no idea where the image is from. soz.

ahh farewell my beloved summer. this morning was very chilly.
winter is moving in fast :(/:)

image found here

:)

there are exactly 23 days, 05 hours, 42 minutes and....15 seconds until my 17th birthday!\

x

star sign

aquarius

daring, delightfully different and always distinctive, aquarians have an unusual, one-off appeal. aquamarine, electric blue and rainbow combinations embody their electric, often otherworldly, qualities.


not sure if it fits or not? what do you think?
also, i am thinking of getting a tattoo, these are my options...
one on my wrist with either...

the eye of horus

an ancient egyptian symbol of protection and power

egyptian ankh

ancient symbol cherishing and affirming life and peace

aquarius star sign

annd on my ankle, or some other part of my body...

a peacock feather...

x

10 tips to stress less

I know that it is holidays (for most people) but i found this post card that i really really liked
it was for mental health week this year, and i thought i should share its wisdom with the world...

10 Tips to Stress Less
Have a cup of tea
Get help with the jobs you struggle with
Take care of your body
Make today special
Daydream, meditate, do relaxation exercises
Learn to be assertive but not aggressive
Take a brisk walk every day or two
Remember we all make mistakes
Prepare your morning the night before
Greet people with a smile

:) i hope this helps you stay relaxed and remind you that you don't have to worry about every little thing that doesn't go as planned



xo doodle brain